Things that irk me, Volume II

Sadly, my second installment in this series has the same topic as Volume I: Beverages & More.

The main difference between that and this installment? Well, where the last one was mainly about a breakdown in logic, nay a train-wreck, this one is about such a stupefyingly inane elaboration on the obvious it came close to making me wreck my car on the spot.

The theme this time was on 90-point wines (highly rated wines, and how they have a lot of them, and how they have cheap ones too, and how every other 5 or so of their wines is that highly rated, and how confident you can be trying them out, and how it’s like a guarantee for success, et cetera — lame, but no more so or even less so than oodles of other commercials on radio and TV).

No, somewhere in there is this “confessional”:

“You buy it, you try it, and if you like it, you buy it again.”

I wish I was making it up. If you don’t get what irks me about it, read it again.

While contemplating this post, I was seriously considering leaving it at “paging Captain Obvious” and calling it a day. But somehow, I feel even Captain Obvious would be at risk of an explosive aneurysm after hearing that particular gem. It just did not seem to cut it. Being flippant seems insufficient at this level of brain-dead inanity.

I am very grateful BevMo feels the distinct need to spend their good money educating consumers about the basic tenets of capitalism and consumer choice. It is wasteful, but fine… I can go along with keeping up the precepts of consumerism. It’s the inanity that gets me. “If I like it, I buy it again?” No, really, I am in a incessant hurry to buy things that I’ve had before that I detest. I truly avoid revisiting brands and flavors that I enjoy.

What the ever-loving Christ?

But in the end, that is not what this rant is about. People are, on the whole, fairly inane creatures that need the obvious beaten into them on a regular basis. Yours truly is one of the worst examples of exactly that. No, what this is about is that…

Someone, somewhere, in a cubicle in an advertising agency handling the BevMo account, a marketing worker bee came up with “You buy it, you try it, and if you like it, you buy it again.” Hey, I can understand that. We all have our off days. What really bothers me is that this person actually thought this was a good idea, and bumped it up the line. What bothers me even is more that at a certain point, I am sure this inane tripe was pitched to BevMo executives and accepted.

What this means is that everyone present at that particular meeting, up and down the line at both corporations, assumed that the general US public is too darned slow to catch on to the inanity — hold on… I’ve used that particular word far too much in this rant already, no matter how appropriate it is to the occasion… let me rephrase — the US public has almost become immune to the brainlessness of the pitches thrown their way. Yeah, that’s better.

What irks me is that several people have been drawing a fat paycheck out of coming up with this. It’s sad.


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