Screws of fury

The next time you sit down in a public bathroom, the kind that has multiple, erm, outlets… look around you. Odds are that the stall has been assembled of lowest-bidder fantasy-wood, covered with lowest-bid, I’ve-had-every-grain-of-creativity-burnt-out-of-my-soul veneer. Odds are, it will be some type of off-white (called something spectacularly creative which, in the end, means, off-motherfucking-white), or something gray (I don’t even know what the marketing droids come up with for these, nor do I wish to know).

Now, look at the fittings. I mean the metal bits that hold the sub-standard plastic/wood slabs together.

Notice anything odd?

Look at the screws.

Odds are, you are looking at a phenomenon that, as far as I know, did not exist a decade ago. I speak of the type of screws that only allow for tightening by conventional screwdrivers. To put it another way, screws that cannot be loosened by a normal screwdriver.

If you do not know what I am talking about, you have never seen them and I hereby suggest you go and spend your time on something more productive than reading this post, since it talks of things that do not apply to you. Go play with your dog, write a novel, mow the lawn. Go forth, in short.

Still here?

So you have seen them. Someone sat down, produced the blueprint and caused to be produced this (I could be wrong here, but this is the sentiment it provokes in me) most passive-aggressive odds-and-ends bit of hardware: the screw that goes in but does not come out.

What is the motivation behind this? No, seriously, think about this. Why, over a stunningly short span, have all new developments chosen this type of screw? To me, it implies that these screws are being used for a reason. Obviously, they are using these puppies because people were taking bathroom stalls apart.

Which, of course, leads to the next question:

Who the flying fuck takes bathroom stalls apart?

Where, pray tell, is this roving band of people taking public bathroom stalls apart (doing so, for that matter, in some way, unbeknownst to people actually using them at the time)? Is there a Bathroom Stall Parts Mafia that I have been previously unaware of?

Christ on a crutch, what is going on here? Am I missing something?


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